Sometimes I feel like I could be so much better if I had a little bit more follow through. I put together large projects just for the sake of doing something to prove to myself that I can do it, and then I collapse towards the end of the project, in a wave of self implosion. I’m the very first marathon runner, passing out at the finish line after telling the troops of the impending victory. I’m no good for myself, and I’ve taken myself way too seriously with this Ipod challenge. When I meet new people, and they hear that I’ve been listening to songs in alphabetical order, some ask how their iPod can do that, and others ask how you can do that. These are two very different types of questions. One asks how a machine can play someone in a certain order. The other asks how a human can commit to a very strenuous project without a quick and easy way out. It’s difficult, even if it’s a simple task, one which most people can take for granted. It means that when you just want to listen to one voice, you are stuck with whatever chance you get for the next song. You’re stuck to a theme more than a singular voice. An ever shifting theme, that can be lost at a machine’s slightest malfunction. But in order to complete the task, you need to find the way to get back to your original goal.
I realize that I often can go astray if I lose sight of what I was striving for. However, we are used to the idea that the long term is always better than the short term. Have long lasting goals, and don’t lose sight of them. Still, it is human to give in to normal urges every now and again. Indulge. Have a vice. For too long, I let myself have an affront of perfection and never let my guard down. I knew what I wanted and I knew how to get there, and I’d be damned if I told you otherwise on how to go about doing it. My problem is I strive for perfection, and don’t allow myself to become human and fail as often as I’d like. I can become an introvert, a Pod Person, and just let myself listen to songs on headphones, while regular conversation can become strenuous and tedious. I could go on for hours about the difficulties I have had, the challenges you might want to hear about, but nobody wants to hear about the tough times. People turn to an entertainer to entertain, and for many, it’s an escape. Some can turn to this to be educated, when you stretch too far outside yourself. But why would you want to put artificial limits on something that gives instant gratification. Sometimes the short term is good too. Play one random song. Play one full length album. Repeat. Shuffle. Skip.
These are terms we have become familiar with in this day and age. I have fasted from new music outside of a small number of albums which I have purchased from a limited budget over the past six months. I am on my way to finishing up, and will get there by the time my New Year’s Break is over. I could realistically finish this challenge in a few days, and it is rather liberating. Oddly enough, sometimes you need a journey of miniature proportions to feel liberated. In a year or two I’ll think of this as just another project, another thing I did for a summer through a winter.
Weary Memory – Iron and Wine 7022
Weather – Red Electric 7023
This song was the first I ever recorded in a studio outside my own, with my first college band. It’s awesomely great and very earnest in a just getting over grunge sort of way. It’s also strange to try to separate yourself from your past on your iPod mixed in with other people’s songs.
